Conflicts….

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One sunny afternoon I decide to stay in and watch college football instead of doing my chores.  I turn on the television and find the game that I am looking for.  Just then my mom walks out of her bedroom and finds me in front of the television.  She begins to yell and scream and another conflict breaks out.  I have lived with her for the better part of 25 years and during that time I have taken punishment in every shape and form, from a belt, to a spoon, and a stick, and verbally to my all time favorite the hanger.  Our conflicts never ended pretty, either I was crying or she was crying or both of us were crying but over the years I learned what to do and what not to do and she also learned how far she could push.

 

                                                 

When I first entered college I took a class in leadership and we covered conflict styles using animals so I will sometimes refer to the animals when I speak about my conflict style.  fox_-_cartoon_2cartoon_owl1teddy20bearcartoon_shark_0113384_cute_baby_sea_turtle_swimmingDuring a conflict I will not say anything unless the person is looking for an answer to their question.  Through the years I have learned this style because I deal with very aggressive people.  From my mom to my supervisor to my friends, most of them are aggressive so I tend to hold my tongue and just take the verbal abuse.  To engage in a yelling match is not my style, it never gets anything accomplished and you may say something that you regret and that’s why I don’t like them.  To argue with the person is also something that I don’t do because that means that I will have to sit their longer or talk to them over the phone longer so I just agree with everything they say even if it is wrong.  I have learned how to hold my emotions and find other avenues on releasing them after a conflict or after being yelled at.  The way I see it is that there is a pecking order on the totem pole and I am always the low man so I just take what is thrown at me and hopefully one day I will be able to climb the ladder so I don’t have to take everyone’s abuse during a conflict.

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            I tend to have a lot of conflicts with my mother however with my style the conflicts tend to dissipate shortly after it starts.  There is an unwritten rule about me visiting in our house that I can stay for no more than 3 nights.  This is because by the 3rd day my mother wants to kill me and all she does is complain and yell.  Granted there are times that I deserved it however there are times that I didn’t.  We “argue” about chores, finances, family and everything in between, however I notice that we argue about the same things every time.

            When I am in a conflict with my mother there is only one goal.  That goal is to let her say what she has to so I can leave.  It seems like I do not care however as I mentioned before it is because most of the conflicts are the same.  If there is something new that comes up then I will chime in when I need to unless I just sit there are look at something behind her as I was taught in Speech 200 to do.  By having this one goal I feel that it can be both my positive and negative feature.  It’s positive because our conflict will not escalate any more however it is negative because it will always be a one way conflict.  By me not talking she doesn’t know where I’m coming from so that’s why it’s so negative.

                       As I mentioned before I tend to shy away from conflicts.  I’d rather make some one happy then argue with them.  However I am learning how to be assertice during a conflict.

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